Just call me Sheila Hussein Bernus Dowd

February 15th was International Stand Up to Bullying day. Over 90,000 kids world wide signed agreements to say NO to bullies and bring awareness that this happens world wide and it is NOT ok! As someone who has taught anti-bully workshops, I find that often bullying behavior is learned from adults/parents. Hmmm...

Driving this point home, the Momocrats have coined Just Call Me Hussein Day, which was started in response to adult bullies/fools like Bill Cunningham who is obviously still seven years old. Contributors today will write their name stories. Here is my story and that of my family's.

Both of my parents immigrated to the U.S. in 1970 from the Philippines, joining my 3 of my aunts, 10 cousins and other extended family. I remember clearly the day, my parents and I became citizens in 1979. While I got a new outfit, of course, and got to miss school, the day seemed extra special because it was also the day my father officially changed his name -From Epifanio to Edgar. I remember asking him why and his response was, "To sound American". That was the day that I realized that to most of the the U.S., names like Mary and John were "American" and Epifanio, Cherry and Elnora (very typical Filipino names) were not. To my father, having a name like that would always make you an outsider.

He also recounted how he and my mother came up with my name - "Sheila Jane". Well we got it out of this baby book. The choice was "Sheila Jane" or "Cherry Lynn", Sheila sounded more American, "Cherry Lynn", sounded too Filipino. Hmmm... Being 10, I bought it and went along my merry way.

Well I got married and kept my maiden name "Bernus: and added my husband's last name "Dowd". I am now "Sheila Bernus Dowd". "Sheila" and "Dowd" are strong Irish names. So often, when if I have been chatting with clients on the phone only or via email, they are usually surprised to find me and not a white woman.

Names say so much to me about our history. My father wanted to sound "more American", but I miss "Epifanio" for the distinction it brought and its connection to the other Epifanios in our family. Sheila has been an easy name to have - short of the whole "sheila Bedila" or "Bernus Furnace" thing. It was a result of an immigrant wanting his child to fit in - to be seen as the American that she is. There were times I wished I had been named "Cherry Lynn", but know that I am more than my name. I am born of Emily and Epifanio and are raising Caden and Kiley - who are all Filipino and 100% American.

Bill Cunningham should be ashamed of himself to negate the history "Barack Hussein Obama" has in his name. Your mama should be yelling at YOU for being unkind, unitelligent and unAmerican. And for implying simply by one's name that he is Un-American or a terrorist - running for president seems to be a pretty darn patriotic act in and of itself, doesn't it? Bill is no better than a school yard bully and I'm proud to be part of the Mamas on Momocrats who are standing up against it.

Join us over at Momocrats!
Sheila Hussein Bernus Dowd

This was originally posted to xiaolinmama and momocrats.

The Value of Money and Yu Gi Oh Cards

Okay this is not the typical post for Filipina Moms, but this is a plea for help on the mommy front. Being Pinays, I know some of you are pack rats like me and have WAY too much junk at home - a trait I am trying to get rid of and not pass on to my kids. Is it just MY family or do your parents have boxes upon boxes of stuff always on hand ready to send to relatives in the PI? I mean, they are sending those Balikbayan boxes back and forth like it is goin' out of style.

Anyway, yesterday, I attended the Craig's List Boot Camp and attended great session on Ebay's Giving Works Program. It allows non profits to auction items directly and it also allows individuals to hold auctions and donate proceeds to a non profit of their choice. I was just talking to my seven year old about cleaning his room and his desire to own a Wii. Well since I was not forking over the $400 for the system and he had no money, we were at an impasse. Taking out the garbage and doing extra chores are only going to take him so far (Did I mention that he is only 7?), so we thought we'd have to have a garage sale. Ugh!

But low and behold, there was ebay to save the day. We decided to put what mommy learned into action and test it out. Being a seller was fairly easy. We also recorded a short fundraising video that is a new feature on ebay. Now how do you say no to a face like that? We had such a ball today.

I don't have high hopes that he is going to make the millions he is hoping for, but I am proud to say that we spent a few hours together working on this valuable lesson on making money and the value of money. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it sells and that he learns that making a buck can also mean the less fortunate can win too. If this works, the possibilities are endless!

So go out there and bid on the Yu Gi Oh cards! Please help him clean his room! I'm beggin' y'all!








Support this 7 year old as he cleans out his room by buying his Yu Gi Oh Cards.



This is also posted at Starfish Circle and xiaolinmama

One Pinays thoughts on the State of the Momosphere

You'd have to be living under a rock if you have not heard about the conversations swirling about race and bloggers. There have been some amazing posts by CityMama and Mocha Momma detailing the situation with marketeers who had "no idea what to do with communities of color" at the BlogHer Conference. This ignited a larger discussion. There have been countless others reacting to what happened, intelligently bringing the conversation to a deeeper, more authentic place. In particular, I found Jason from Daddy in a Strange Land's thoughts so right on. I found myself nodding the whole time.

In all honesty, I have never been the one to make a scene. Never the one to raise my fist in protest, but rather have always needed to take it back, digest it and then formulate my opinion. Maybe it was from growing up with a "don't rock the boat" mentality from my immigrant parents - who for most of my life did what they could to fit in in America, rather than stick out. Blogging has helped me kick that attitude.

I was there at the Blog Her conference in the room where it all came down. It was disappointing, frustrating and infuriating. I am a new blogger and came to the conference thinking that I would learn about the nuts and bolts of blogging, and was surprised to spend more time learning more about the politics of blogging. In my obvious naivete, I did not spend anytime thinking about how mommybloggers of color were not pitched to by marketers. I had noticed that there was not a dearth of blogs written by women of color, but chalked that up to my lack of tech/search skills and time to explore the vast blogosphere. I also mused about why we got potholders, nasal spray and gum in the swag bags. Did the marketers expect us to write about these things for free? Is this what they thought what mommy's or women in general wanted? I blindly went to BlogHer thinking most things in the blogosphere were equal - duh! Thanks for opening my eyes.

Regardless, I want to respond to Kelly's/Mocha Mom's question at the end of her post - "Where were you, Mommybloggers? I needed you."

While yes there were many women who have responded with a resounding, "I had my hand up!" or "I wanted to talk more about that". There were many of us who remained silent because we did not think anyone would hear or try to listen. When I stumbled upon filipinamamas.com, I was so excited to find a space where we could explore parenting through a pinay lens. Is it different from my non-pinay lens? Do I have a non-pinay lens? No! My parenting style is a reflection of my upbringing and rebellion from a Filipino upbringing. Yes, marketers and blog readers, I bring all that to my writing. Most women of color bring all that to our writing and our parenting. We bring all that and buy deodorant, watch TV and drive cars, just like our caucasian counterparts.

Mocha Momma, where were the mommy's who had your back? I for one, was stuck in my head trying to understand where others thought my place in the blogosphere should be. I spent the next few days clarifying what I think that place should be. Filipinas have a unique parenting perspective. I hope this space is a start to educate others, more importantly I hope it is a place for us to connect, support each other, exchange Spam recipes and build community. (Hey, there's a sponsorship we should be able to lock down!) This Pinay momma has your back, is inspired by your courage and will continue to write on the blogosphere to shed light on this inequity. I'll be there at BlogHer 08 to continue this conversation live.

I look forward to continuing this conversation online with you all.

What are your shoes screaming to the world?

Shoes – my love affair with them began at a very young age. Being Filipina American, maybe it is the Imelda Marcos in me or maybe the Carrie Bradshaw? What I do know is that it is nothing short of an obsession.
There are countless books chronicling this love affair. For example, Meghan Cleary writes in her book, The Perfect Fit, that shoes says more to the world about your “inner sole” than you'd think.

I looked fondly at part of my shoe collection and wonder what my a few of my favorite pairs are telling the world: High Heels In a previous life, I raised money for local non profits, I wore suits and dresses, which begged for cute, yet practical heels. On a non-profit salary, my closet isn’t filled with Manolo Blahniks or Jimmy Choos, but every girl has a few pairs that make her feel powerful. Mine are black and white Paolo sling backs, they match almost everything I have in my closet, so are dubbed my “grown up shoes”.

Brookes running shoes I trained for the Nike Women’s Marathon last year with Team in Training and lived in these shoes for months. I loved them so much, I’ve since purchased 3 pairs. They are great for running with my son's soccer team and after my kids, in general.

Flip flops My beloved tsinelas, I have 8 pairs in all sorts of colors and styles – ranging from the basic Old Navy $3.00 version to rhinestone studded to my brown Pumas. As a new WAHM (work at home mom), this has become part of my new uniform.

Cheetah print ballet slippers When I need to look a little more pulled together than flip flops, how can you go wrong with a little animal print? My four year old daughter helped to pick these out and next to her Cinderella princess slipper, these are the "most" beautiful shoes in the world according to her.

Keen’s Newport Sandals – These fantastic sandals are all purpose water shoes for camping, going to a soccer game and pizza out with the family. Except for the fact that you can get one funky tan line, these shoes are perfect.

My shoe collection is swiftly evolving from stiletto heels and cute office wedges to a new WAHM wardrobe hoping to convey to the world I’m hip, yet comfortable. Are there moments that I yearn to where the stilettos instead of the Puma flip flops? Heck Yeah! But I am finding that wearing my Keen sandals to the beach with the kids instead of my wedges to another pointless meeting is certainly making my transition into WAHM status much easier!

What are your shoes saying about you?

The adventure begins...

Hello everyone!
My name is Sheila, aka Xiaolinmama. I have 2 kids and am married to a great guy who actually does dishes and laundry. I am so excited to join the fine women of www.Filipinamoms.com.

Where did the name Xiaolin Mama come from? My children and I love to watch this cartoon, Xiaolin Showdown. It is about four young warriors who are learning to and battle the forces of evil. They save the world on a daily basis by protecting ancient artifacts which have magical powers, aka Sheng Gong Wu, from villains. We love to watch the battles. My 7-year-old son loves the martial arts and my 4-year-old daughter loves the girl warrior, who kicks-butt on a regular basis! I especially like the "master" who teaches his young apprentices how to be patient, work as a team and how to beat a monster with his eyes closed.

I am new to the blogosphere, been writing on-line for a few months, but have always kept a journal. I recently quit my job as a non-profit fundraiser and youth development consultant to spend more time at home “developing my own youth” at home. I do some consulting work and write my own blogs at www.starfishcircle.com and http://www.starfishcircle.com/xiaolinmama/ it has been an adventure already.

I love to write about the craziness of being a parent, taking care of my father-in-law who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and the daily joys of living in the Silicon Valley. My kids are of mixed heritage and I want them to know about all the various parts of their culture. I’m hoping that I’m teaching them a lot more that eating Korean Bulgogi, wearing a barong on special occasions and enjoying a frothy Guinness beer. I don’t always feel very successful, but I try.

I was so excited to find this blog and am honored to be part of the team. I am excited to share my little piece of the world and look forward to hearing about your stories and adventures!