to a preschooler, it's all black and white

When a mom's out for the count, a mom's out for the count.

And kids just seem to know when to kick us when we're down.

I had a bazillion appointments yesterday. And all I wanted to do is go home and hug my daughter.

And hug her I did.

Then, out of nowhere, she says, "Mom, why do people have different skin?"

Different skin?

"Amara, what do you mean?" I questioned.

She explained that there's a girl at her school with skin that's a different color.

I sighed. I never thought I'd get hit with the race question this early in childhood.

How would I answer? My head hurt as it was. I couldn't think of a good answer that a four year old would comprehend.

Then eureka!

"Amara," I began. "We are Filipino. So you and Mommy have a different colored skin than Daddy because he's German. God made us all different so we can learn about each other."

"Ohhhhh. That's why there's girl at school with brown skin," she responded.

"Just like you, Amara."

"Nooooo! Mommy, I'm white."

I stopped dead in my tracks. Those words hit me like a dagger to the heart. Like I wasn't having a bad day as it was.

I have no problems with Amara being half German and half Filipino. But when she has to check off a box on a government form, she has to cross off Asian.

And when people meet her, even though I think Amara looks like Dad2Amara, everyone laments how she looks like me, a Filipino.

She has gorgeous thick black dark brown hair. Her skin is olive. And she loves her rice!

She is not white.

She's brown like me.

And with that I started beating myself up, thinking I was some sort of racist.

But I just want Amara to be proud of her heritage!

Then I realized that to Amara - it is solely about black and white. Skin color is such a cut and dry issue for kids.

But I know it won't always be the case.

How do you describe other ethnicities to your kids? If you have a mestiza, how do you instill pride in both their heritages?

cross posted on being Mom2Amara

Race on the (Internet) Radio - Tonight!

Following up on xiaolin momma's great post about mombloggers of color and the unexpected politics of identity in the blogosphere, I wanted to let you know that the on-going discussion about race in the blogosphere and the (in)visibility of parentbloggers of color continues tonight on Motherhood Uncensored's BlogTalkRadio show. Folks have been posting up a storm—check out the links in the comments of my cross-post on disl, and see what folks are saying on ARP and BlogRhet. Tonight, from 9 to 10 EDT (6 to 7 PDT), you can hear me, Glennia of Kimchi Mamas, and Kelly of Mocha Momma talk with Kristen Chase about all this stuff, and you can even call in live to add your 2 cents at (646) 915-8634. Click here to learn more about tonight's show.

This isn't quite what I had in mind for my first "guest daddy" post on Filipina Moms, but thank you all for having me and welcoming me here (and for giving my wife that last nudge to cross over to the "blogger" side of the blogosphere!). I'll be back monthly to give my 2 cents on "Filipino-by-marriage" and raising a multiethnic Asian American daughter. Thanks again!

One Pinays thoughts on the State of the Momosphere

You'd have to be living under a rock if you have not heard about the conversations swirling about race and bloggers. There have been some amazing posts by CityMama and Mocha Momma detailing the situation with marketeers who had "no idea what to do with communities of color" at the BlogHer Conference. This ignited a larger discussion. There have been countless others reacting to what happened, intelligently bringing the conversation to a deeeper, more authentic place. In particular, I found Jason from Daddy in a Strange Land's thoughts so right on. I found myself nodding the whole time.

In all honesty, I have never been the one to make a scene. Never the one to raise my fist in protest, but rather have always needed to take it back, digest it and then formulate my opinion. Maybe it was from growing up with a "don't rock the boat" mentality from my immigrant parents - who for most of my life did what they could to fit in in America, rather than stick out. Blogging has helped me kick that attitude.

I was there at the Blog Her conference in the room where it all came down. It was disappointing, frustrating and infuriating. I am a new blogger and came to the conference thinking that I would learn about the nuts and bolts of blogging, and was surprised to spend more time learning more about the politics of blogging. In my obvious naivete, I did not spend anytime thinking about how mommybloggers of color were not pitched to by marketers. I had noticed that there was not a dearth of blogs written by women of color, but chalked that up to my lack of tech/search skills and time to explore the vast blogosphere. I also mused about why we got potholders, nasal spray and gum in the swag bags. Did the marketers expect us to write about these things for free? Is this what they thought what mommy's or women in general wanted? I blindly went to BlogHer thinking most things in the blogosphere were equal - duh! Thanks for opening my eyes.

Regardless, I want to respond to Kelly's/Mocha Mom's question at the end of her post - "Where were you, Mommybloggers? I needed you."

While yes there were many women who have responded with a resounding, "I had my hand up!" or "I wanted to talk more about that". There were many of us who remained silent because we did not think anyone would hear or try to listen. When I stumbled upon filipinamamas.com, I was so excited to find a space where we could explore parenting through a pinay lens. Is it different from my non-pinay lens? Do I have a non-pinay lens? No! My parenting style is a reflection of my upbringing and rebellion from a Filipino upbringing. Yes, marketers and blog readers, I bring all that to my writing. Most women of color bring all that to our writing and our parenting. We bring all that and buy deodorant, watch TV and drive cars, just like our caucasian counterparts.

Mocha Momma, where were the mommy's who had your back? I for one, was stuck in my head trying to understand where others thought my place in the blogosphere should be. I spent the next few days clarifying what I think that place should be. Filipinas have a unique parenting perspective. I hope this space is a start to educate others, more importantly I hope it is a place for us to connect, support each other, exchange Spam recipes and build community. (Hey, there's a sponsorship we should be able to lock down!) This Pinay momma has your back, is inspired by your courage and will continue to write on the blogosphere to shed light on this inequity. I'll be there at BlogHer 08 to continue this conversation live.

I look forward to continuing this conversation online with you all.