11 October 2007


The light played tricks on the wooden mahogany box sitting on the table. Shadows danced, a faint lavander perfume permeates the air, the silence deafening, the heart heavy as memories rush forth unbidden.

A year... has it been that already? Somehow it still feels like yesterday. I can never forget that moment when I received a text message saying you have been rushed to the hospital. News were not forthcoming. The country had just been buffeted by a vicious storm and phone lines are bad if not downright busted. Suddenly, my world came crashing down. The source of my strength weakened as you lie in your hospital bed. I wanted to be there, but we were, literally, oceans apart. By the time I came, you were gone.

I blamed myself. I could not grieve, could not even shed a tear. Death took you, just when we were about to live life. All the planning, all the sacrifices, the loneliness... it almost amounted to nothing. But even in death as sure as if you'd been alive, you made sure that everything will turn out right.

I hear your voice in my solitude, gently reminding me of my promise... telling me to believe. I hear your laughter when I do things just as you would, I see your tears when I cry, and I feel you, just as if you were here by my side. The past year has not been easy, and it will not be for years to come. Grief is just beginning to sink in, but I take comfort in knowing that you reside here in my heart.

Words will never be enough. I love you, Tatay.

1 comment:

mamazilla said...

maria, i am so sorry for your loss... this is one of my greatest fears, that if and or when something bad happens to my sisters or father in the philippines, that i will be too far away to do anything and will never get there in time...

such a beautiful haunting post... thanks for sharing.