28 November 2007

A life left behind...

A few years back, I left the Philippines for the land of milk and honey. I did not want to go, certainly never meant to stay, but circumstances necessitated my journey and responsibilities warranted me to stay. I made my choices, and though at times I think about what could have been if I had not left, I am here, living a different life.

A life left behind... I beg to differ. I did not leave my life. I am living it. A different place, a different time, with different friends, but most certainly still my life. Some friends, now long gone, still, some remained the same. Life changes for sure, but life is never left behind.

Change... sometimes it is hard to keep up. Oftentimes we blame others for imposing changes in our lives. But change we must, because it is the only way to move on, to live life, to be alive. We can spend all our time looking back, wishing to get back what we lost, hoping to go back to what we had... wanting that life we left behind, but it would all be in vain. For time has moved on and what once was can never be again. It is hard, I kid you not, but live in the present we must, for it is all we have. What we make of our present will set the foundations of our past and pave the way for our future.

Choices... I made a lot of them, some good, others never to be repeated. All done with good intentions, these choices nevertheless imposed my will on others. Regrets? I think not. At times, I still question the wisdom of choices I made, only to realize that there is no need to wonder, but there is a need to understand, and a need to accept the choices made and the consequences that came with it.

As a parent, I had to make choices. I must initiate change. Years ago, I questioned why there was a need for me to follow. That is the folly of the young. I now realize, there will always be a time in one's life where we need to follow and a time when we will have to lead. When I was young, I followed and I questioned... now that I am older, I lead and get questioned. A life left behind... had I kept looking back, I would not be where I am now. I would not have seen the places I have been, nor would I have met the people I know now. I would have missed the opportunity life had given me, and that would have been the greatest tragedy... a life not lived because of the desire for that life left behind.


Anonymous said...

Hi Maria,
I am a new immigrant and I am living in ---duh--Daly City in California, where else? Just kidding, but I migrated just a year and a half ago. I found your blog through my h.s. classmate Cathy Babao-Guballa's blog. You write up hit a nerve, as I can't seem to assimilate because I feel like I left a life behind. But I should live in the moment and be in the moment, and live my life NOW. Are you based in SF?

maria said...

Hi, I'm based in LA, but we do go to SF once in a while.