14 August 2007

Where Has Sexy Gone?

I'm sure the topic that I'm going to be writing about isn't unique to Filipino parents, but I think that the way that the topic is talked about in Filipino homes is unique. Or, maybe it's not. I don't know - you decide.

Ever since I peed on a home pregnancy test way back in early 2004, my life - the part of my life that makes me feel "sexy" - has been turned up-side-down. It's hard to feel attractive to anyone, let alone your husband, when you're 50 pounds heavier and you've lost your once prominent cheek bones. Then, when that bundle of joy is born, you're still heavier and you're mushy. Add to that the fact that a mere 7 months later, you find out that bundle of joy #2 is arriving.

It's tough and life doesn't stop just because you're pregnant or just because you've given birth to an almost 10 pound human - TWICE in 2 consecutive years. And, one day you wake up and realize that it's been forever since you've snuggled with your husband or that it's been forever that you've held hands. Don't get me wrong, I think I've got a nice life and a great family but sexy has eluded me since 2003. People, it's 2007!!!!

Normally, I would talk to my mom about how I feel. I mean, I talk to her if I'm sick or sad; but, this topic is strictly off limits. I grew up in a very conservative Catholic household. I'm not sure if the fact we're Filipino has anything to do with the boundaries of discussing sexuality with one's parents, but from the other Filipino friends I have it seems as though sex isn't spoken about. Sure, everyone wants to be a Lolo or Lola but the miracle of birth really isn't talked about - hell, the physical issues of pregnancy aren't even discussed.

So in the end, I'm left wondering: Where did sexy go and how do I get it back?


mamazilla said...

dude. my moms would be THE LAST person i'd talk to about "bringin' sexy back"... unless we were line dancing to justin timberlake...

but, i have NO problem talking about it to any and all mommy friends... because i've found that once the topic is breached everyone has something to share.

for the thin man and me, we had to take baby steps... we talked A LOT... about why the sexy was gone... and what we needed from each other to find it/bring it back... and after all that initial talking, well, the sexy's not "back" to our dating standard (certainly not in frequency), but, it's better in quality than it's ever been. :)

you have SO much going on right now... a lot of priorities in flux... if it's really important to you make it a top priority again, and it will be! and keep in mind, if you need a babysitter in a pinch - i'm happy to oblige! :)

mj aka sugarmama said...

Ok...sex and sexuality is always a major topic in my book...since it is what I do for a living for the past 6 years now --- I actually do a lot of sexual forums for Women - yes as part of my job - but I won't be plugging it here since this is a G rated site - you can read that in my personal blog somewhere. And hey, I can be called or emailed for any sexual advices from my Filipina Moms at anytime.

Anyway, although it is something I can talk about in front of my Mom when working, it is more of a 3rd person talk when she is around. Does that make sense?

But besides talking about sex and sexuality during work in live women forums --- I don't feel any sexier either. After pushing out and nursing 3 kids (still nursing now) I have not felt good about myself in a long long time, and the actual physical sex for me right now is not something I look forward to anymore. Maybe I'll find sexy in me once all the kids leave the house to be on their own one day...hehe

amaras_mom said...

When my mom said the word "sex" in front of me just before my 30th birthday, my normally olive skin flushed and my face was bright red. Yeah, the talk about bringing sexy back compoletely off limits with my nanay!

I always flippantly say how "hot" I am or my girlfriends are and I think in a lot of ways, my joking around actually leads me to believe it. I am no Halle Berry but I can hold my own! And even though I am still carrying around the baby weight, I still think I'm pretty sexy! It's all a state of mind!

maria said...

Although I am far from conservative (my Dad's fault bringing me up like a boy), sex and sexuality is definitely not a topic discussed at home. I found out about it on books (yes I like to read, and later talked about it with friends, even guys who offer advice as to how to make it more exciting.
But I get that part that after becoming moms, we do lose part of that "sexiness" we had before giving birth, although that could be psychological. I know some of my guy friends think that their wives are sexier now after becoming moms. It starts with how we feel about ourselves. If we feel sexy, then we are sexy lovehandles aside ;p

Anonymous said...

first, I try not to look at beauty mags or celebrities which can confuse rich with "sexy". I agree with those who have said that it's all about attitude. You ARE sexy if you think you are whether you'd make the list of People magazine or not. Also, I find that women need to talk about it more first in order to feel like doing anything physical.